Happy
Father’s Day! Fathers around the world are opening gift bags and boxes
filled with red, striped, indigo, paisley and polka dot ties, socks,
and boxers ... smiling broadly as they hold up the shirt their
five-year old gave them that reads, of course, ”World’s Greatest
Dad”. Wives, daughters, sisters, and mothers hustle and bustle in the
kitchen preparing delicious meals that take hours to prepare but
disappear in a matter of minutes. Hallmark cards line the mantel, full
of poetic tidbits to say what many feel but can’t or won’t speak out
loud. On this day, we honor Good ‘Ole Dad, pops, old man, papaw or
whatever moniker we use to address the Head of the House. Remember
Leave It To Beaver’s good ole Ward Cleaver? How about the lovable Dr.
Heathcliff Huxtable of The Cosby Show? Good, dependable, hardworking,
loving, fathers who took part in every aspect of their family’s life.
Now, let’s be real. How many households do we know of that match these
standards? How many of you, reading this now, have the stable,
functional family life that is portrayed in those fictional families of
tvland? The reality for many children, young and adult alike is that
they have never had someone in their life to whom they could say, “Dad,
you are my hero." Ours is a culture of broken homes, M.I.A.
fathers, and children who may as well be test tube babies for all the
knowledge they have of their biological fathers.
Why do we even celebrate the Father? It all started in 1909 when Sonora
Smart Dodd was listening to a Mother’s Day Sermon and the light bulb
popped up over her head. Hey! What about Father’s Day? William Jackson
Smart had raised her and her siblings after their mother died. So, of
course, she was an adoring daughter who felt that since her father was
born in June, Father’s Day should be celebrated in that month. She was
able to convince a pastor to give a Father’s Day Sermon on June 19,
1910 in Spokane, Washington. Thus, Father’s Day was born. In 1972, then
president Richard Nixon put Father’s Day on the map, or should I say,
calendar by making it a permanent U.S. holiday to be celebrated every
3rd Sunday in June. And the rest is history, present, and the future to
come. (http://morning-glow.com/holidays/father/father.html).
So, it is not enough to go around with your chest puffed out like a
peacock, bragging that you have 3 kids, to be recognized on Father’s
Day. The question is ... are you fathering your children?
We don’t have time to glaze over this day as just another holiday. The
ties and socks will end up being eaten by the dryer and moths, the
cards lining the mantel today will fill our dumps and recycle bins
tomorrow, and the emails will float out into cyberdumps. When you
finish reading this article, I suggest you check out www.fathermag.com. Read some of
the Importance of Fathers articles. The statistics of children in
fatherless homes is tragic. We have to expose the cycle of absentee
fathers that is destroying the family unit. Only then can we begin to
heal, one family at a time, until we, as a global family, are strong,
healthy and united.
It is the responsible “man” who acknowledges his part in the creation
of his child and “decides” to be a father. Fatherhood is a daily
choice. Today, you choose to be a father to your kids, step-kids,
nieces, nephews, neighborhood kids. Regardless of the past, start
today and be there for the ones that need you as much as you need them.
How can you brag about your son winning 1st place in the school science
fair when you got the information 2nd hand from his mom? Did you
drive/walk him to the library to help him find the right books to
research? Did you help with the construction of the set because he was
unsure whether to use nails or screws? Or did you just shove $20 in his
hands and tell him to ask his mom to take him to the hardware store to
get the supplies because you had to watch the Lakers vs. Pistons game?
Did you even know he had the highest average this semester? Who is his
teacher? Don’t you understand that sons look to you as an example of
the type of man, husband, father, even son that they should be?
You go around telling everyone how your daughter was chosen to be queen
for her senior prom. But did you also know that she loves reading
science fiction, sitting by the lake writing poetry, and wants to go to
design school? When was the last time you asked your daughter “How are
you today? Do you need to talk to me about anything?” Or do you look at
raising a daughter as “woman’s work”? Do you just bark at her, telling
her what all she better not do? Do you take the time to listen when she
tries to tell you why she is failing algebra? If you don’t open the
door of communication, don’t be surprised when she’s pregnant at 14,
dropping out of school at 16, and bouncing from one bad relationship to
another at 18. Don’t blame her. Where were you? Don’t you know that
daughters look to their father for an example of what type of man she
will someday love, marry, and have a family of her own with?
What type of example are you setting with your current life?
Take a bold step today. On this Father’s Day 2004, reach out to your
children. Talk to them about who you are as a husband, man, father, and
friend. Tell them about the times your parents had to come to get you
from school because you were cutting up and about to be suspended. Tell
them about your first boyhood crush on the cute girl who sat in the 3rd
row 2nd seat in English class. How about finally explaining to them the
mystery of how you can get up at 4am on Saturday morning going fishing,
sit on the pier all day, but come home smiling and empty handed at 6pm?
Teach them why they should save at least 5-10% of their net pay. Help
them understand why they really don’t need that extra $2000 when they
are applying for student loans. Pull out your credit card bills and
show them why they don’t need a Visa/MasterCard and they are only
working 10 hours a week at the neighborhood Kroger’s. Teach the young
ones now how to make up their beds, how to dust the furniture, and wash
the dishes. Teach the teenagers how to wash their own clothes, teach
the daughter and son how to make Bigmama’s special cornbread dressing.
Teach them how to dress for success, how to fill out an application,
and write a resume. Teach them respect, for themselves and others.
Fathers, like it or not, you are one of your children’s 1st teachers.
Lay the foundation.
Remember, even in your absence you are teaching them something. It is
probably negative and detrimental to their being, but they are learning
a life lesson. One that may take a lifetime, therapy, and medication to
unlearn. Listen to them. Show them that they can trust you with their
hearts, dreams, fears and loves. Validate their existence in this
world. They will know that there is no glory in joining a gang. They
will know that having sex is not the same as sharing love. Teach them
to cherish their innocence. Let them be children while they still are.
“It is a wise father that knows his own child.”
William Shakespeare
"It doesn’t matter who my father was; it matters
who I remember he was.” Anne Sexton
“It no longer bothers me that I may be constantly
searching for father figures; by this time, I have found several and
dearly enjoyed knowing them all.” Alice Walker
www.twilightbridge.com.
Click on father’s day for more father’s day quotations and info.
Happy Father’s Day
Diva Melda
|
